So my morning started by looking at a video clip of Parker. It was of Parker trying to wake up Payton. He said “wake up, wake up, outside”. He was trying to get Payton to wake up and see the giraffes that were outside of our window (obviously this is when we were staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge). It was quite hard to watch. I haven’t seen any videos since before he passed away.

Why did I choose this morning to watch it? Well, I was looking for pictures of Payton that I needed to take to her school because they are working on a project since she is student of the week! Yes…Payton is in school! She completed her second day at Geneva Academy. When I asked if she wanted to start going to school she said “real school? with real kids?!” Obviously, she was excited and ready.

On our way home from school yesterday Payton explained that she was upset that the music teacher didn’t pray for Parker. I told Payton that we don’t need to pray for him anymore. She said that we did because she doesn’t want him sick anymore. She said he needs to be healed. I told her (again) he isn’t sick anymore. She then said “well, is his body still in the box?” Oh my. It is hard to explain the concept of your body being somewhere and your spirit being somewhere else.

Tonight I went in to pick up Paige and was again reminded of Parker. I was holding Paige and I had wet hair. Parker would always say “brrrr, cold” when I would pick him up and I had wet hair. She also started patting my back like Parker would do. The past 2 mornings I have taken her in her jammies to drop off Payton. I remember many mornings doing this with Parker when we’d take Payton to First Pres. Payton went to brush her teeth in “Parker’s” bathroom – she insists we call it that and commented on how he is her only brother and that’s why she has to brush her teeth in there. She also asked if I remembered her and Parker having their pictures taken, with lollipops, for Christmas last year at the Waugh’s house. We were actually going there today for a playdate – so it wasn’t too much of a surprise – but it was a year ago!

The girls and I went to my dad and step-moms in Tallahassee this weekend (Aaron was at Southwind). It was very relaxing. I found it funny that I was excited that I didn’t have to worry about doing my hair or putting on make-up. I’m out of town…I don’t know anyone. Well, we went to Target…and I ran into someone from high school. How funny is that?!

Every day is a new day and brings new challenges. I still have a hard time reading our other friends sites – but I feel the need to do so.

Thank you so much for the anonymous Publix gift cards. Thanks also to the card from ORMS Hematology lab – I have to stop reading mail in the car – it was very touching. Mequel, Payton loved her first day of school gift.

I heard a great verse yesterday….”I want to be remembered for my reputation, not my riches.”

Pray for our hearts to heal.

I began looking at past pictures tonight. Trying to find a special one of daddy and Parker walking together or holding hands. As I began going through the past year and a half of photos – my heart broke. I guess I’ve just been looking at recent ones, ones since diagnosis and those haven’t effected me. Payton was sitting on my lap as we looked at them and I just started crying and told her how much I missed him. She said I know – me too. She seemed to completely understand me. To see his adorable face and smile…his juice cups and dinosaur jammies on Christmas morning…the bagel in a picture sitting on the coffee table – his morning routine…him hiding under the dining room table sneaking something into his mouth…Payton teaching him how to draw with chalk on the sidewalk. Heart breaking. My precious, sweet Parker that I have no more.

Wow – over 300,000 visits

Don’t forget to check out the items on ebay to benefit Parker’s Pals. Most end within the next 24 hours…more will be listed soon – so keep checking. If you are interested in finding out more about how you can help through ebay (purchasing or donating) please email Karen at ebay@parkerspals.org

Please pray for the James’ family. Lily was supposed to go in for surgery today on her eye (she is 4). 5 minutes into their trip from G’ville to Jacksonivlle Lily started throwing up. Her brother and sister have had the bug for awhile and know she has it. They turned around, surgery was canceled and now Chris (daddy) is sick. He is actually in the ER right now – please, please pray for my dear friends. Pray for their complete healing and for Brooke to be spared the sickness.

Thank you Mary Stam for sending the following to me…I hope that it might help or enlighten someone else as it has me.
WORSHIP IN TIMES OF TROUBLE
Life comes crashing down.

It happens for every one of us—not always with planes or automobiles or loss of family members or failed marriages. Somehow, all the same, life comes crashing down. The loss of one’s own child may well be the most excruciating blow a loving parent can endure, but you can be sure that every other tragedy life dispenses offers its own unique form of suffering.

You’re never prepared. That’s the essence of the pain. Possibly for the first time in your life, you wonder whether there’s any purpose in going on. For the first time, you wonder whether the gift of life on this earth—for YOU—is really a gift. For the first time, you seem to lack the strength even to rise from bed and perform the little rituals and have the little conversations that give daily life its color and rhythm. With a heart smashed in ten thousand pieces, you have no clue where to turn.

How wonderful, then, is the moment when you discover you can run into the arms of a Father who loves you and weeps with you. What an incredible moment when you fully comprehend that healing is possible. In Psalm 138:7, David wrote, “Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me.”

He is ever faithful; He is ever present and attentive. One of the things we discover in the psalms is that we not only have a Lord God and a Savior when we face tragedy—even incomparable pain like the loss of a young, beloved child—but we have a wonderful Friend in the bargain.

Again and again, the psalms return to this beautiful, melodious theme. They burst out in song—for what other form than music could this book have ever taken?—over the amazing news that the high and holy God of creation is our Friend. They remind us that He knows every need we feel, every craving we experience. They assure us He is not a God who dwells in some distant, unapproachable realm, who paid a short call on this planet centuries ago—but that He is an always present Father, who is totally immersed in the smallest details of our lives.

And when we come to Him in the midst of trouble, He hears us; He knows us. He loves us as we love our own children [and even more perfectly than that].

IN TIMES OF PRESENT TROUBLE, THE LORD IS TO BE WORSHIPED
In Psalm 138, we find the song of “a man after God’s own heart” who had traveled a long journey down the road of spiritual wisdom. He understood many deep truths about his relationship with God—one of which is brought home with clarity and passion here. David came to see that in times of trouble, the most clearly marked path to God is not the way of struggle and desperation. It is, instead, the path of worship. Psalm 138 speaks to us about worship in times of trouble. [He goes on to show from the psalm how we are to worship the Lord thankfully, whole-heartedly, intelligently, and courageously.]

—David Jeremiah, A BEND IN THE ROAD: EXPERIENCING GOD WHEN YOUR WORLD CAVES IN. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2000, pp. 107-09. ISBN-13 978-0-8499-4333-1