I’ve been a little frozen from the sites recently…but I have definitely been thinking about all of you and feeling your concerns for us.

Here is a re-cap of Parker’s 3rd Birthday:
I went to my first spinning class with Lisa – what a wonderful way to burn off energy and get to spend time with a great friend. After that I went to Publix to buy a special birthday balloon for him. I prayed before I went in and asked God for the strength and not to cry. I picked out a huge Nemo balloon and of course the balloon blowup lady wanted to strike up a conversation about it an state on how that was the first one she had to blow up and would now have to blow up another.

While I was in the check out line a man in front of me noticed my shirt “I run for Parker”. He asked who Parker was? It was weird because normally I would “my son” – but today for some reason I said “he was my son”. The man looked away then looked back at me and said that it must be really hard. I shook my head yes as tears started to fill my eyes.. His compassion warmed my heart.

That afternoon we went to Parker’s Place. On the way Paige just squealed away at the balloon – which of course, again, made me cry. Many thoughts were running through my head. Aaron and I started talking about having another baby or adopting (which is something we talked about even before we were married). I saw a mom pushing a baby stroller down the boulevard and pictured me having another baby, it being a boy – but then figured (like the other kids) he would look just like Parker – that was too hard to imagine. I actually shared those thoughts with Aaron as we drove. Then we of course said all we want is Parker back.

We explained that it was Parker’s 3rd birthday to Payton when we got there. She was very excited (and since has been telling everyone that Parker is 3). It was nice to see that someone else had brought flowers for him – thank you.

I don’t really remember what else we did – I do remember a long nap though. Thank you to my neighbors, Kim & Pete for sending flowers, Lisa for bringing me coffee and a Willow Tree Angel, and Barbie for bringing me lunch. We are surrounded by a wonderful group of friends.

A week ago we got Parker’s free meal and birthday wish from Brian’s BBQ (we ate in his honor). The same day we received mail addressed to Parker…not as fun as birthday wishes though…it was a bill collector for one of his medical bills. So amazed how many of them didn’t process claims with dates of service in last Feb and May until December…which of course is after our insurance ran out – but the DOS is before we had medicaid. We’ve been blessed to have one or two write off the balance – but then those other offices that could care less and just want the money. My biggest questions is why did they wait so long to process their claims?! ugh!

Last night we went on a double date with the Dowdy’s. Thank you so much to my friend Molly, Cirque Du Soleil and the House of Blues for a wonderful night out. It was very much needed and very appreciated!

…went to be with Parker and Jesus this morning. Please keep her family in your prayers as they are now living through the pain we experienced 8 months and 3 days ago.

4th of July I dawned the girls in their yummy 4th of July dresses and we headed out to the front yard for photos of course. We had 3 flags – and Payton made sure to note one was for Parker. She wanted to hold his at the parade. I’ll get the photos up soon.

The parade was cute. The girls had fun with Grandma and Grandpa Fine here. We spent the rest of the day swimming, cooking out and then our neighbors came over for fireworks.

Today as I sat in church I thought about how I should be stressing about planning for Parker’s 3rd birthday party tomorrow – but I’m not. Instead I’m struggling to figure out what my day “should” look like. I’ve noticed myself looking at other children around his age and just wondering what he would be like today. What would his vocabulary be like – what sentences and words would he use? What toys would he like to play with? How would he interact with Paige? Would he love to swim in the pool with Payton?

The night before last I spent replaying November 17th. I was talking to my friend on why I put myself through this. I try to picture every detail in mind…she said I’m probably doing this so I don’t forget it. I’m afraid that I will. I haven’t had a long time with Parker to formulate good memories with him – and the yuck is so fresh in my mind. Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of the death of my cousin…she was 21. I had so many memories with her and they are so vivid and clear. I just wish I had that many with Parker.

Brooke and Melody and their kids came over yesterday and we went to Hontoon Island and then came back here to swim (and Brooke helped clean my house – thank you!). They are such great friends – making sure that I had an enjoyable weekend. Aaron played golf with Jeff, Derek and Chris so he was able to have fun too. Brooke’s son Jack came over – wearing one of Parker’s shirts. He is so adorable – blond hair, blue eyes – about 1 1/2. Again, just makes me think and long.

Keep us in your prayers tomorrow as we celebrate Parker’s 3rd birthday in our own ways.